Approaching Year THIRTY

THIRTY, FLIRTY AND THRIVING.

(not quite)

February 22nd, my half birthday if you will, marked six months until I enter a new decade of life. Year thirty.  I can’t pinpoint what exactly it is, but something has truly shifted in me as I close out my twenties. My life is going to change this decade! Things are going to happen that I’ve been thinking about since I was a young girl. I can’t help but think of how Jesus was around thirty years old himself when He began His ministry and in just three years, He changed the world and left a legacy that would last, I believe, until the end of time and beyond. That’s the vibe I’m on for year thirty.


But, I’m still twenty-nine and learned a lot in the past year or so. Naturally, I decided to share with you all.

I’m not that old

I’m canceling the narrative; ‘whew chile, I’m getting old.’ Listen, there were many things that happened on Instagram and experiences I had with my younger siblings that truly made me feel old this year. I was confused about so many things.

How do you pronounce ‘6lack’?

What is the fascination with iCarly?

Has any person under the age of twenty ever used a house phone? Kids these days will never understand the embarrassment of your dad getting to the phone before you when the dude you have a crush on calls.

Or, having to record your favorite radio bop with a cassette tape.

So, although there are times when I feel old, I’m not old at all. As a matter of fact, I feel like I’m getting younger. I was HUMBLED this year. I do not know it all, I haven’t seen it all and I still have plenty to learn. Habits weren’t gone, they were just dormant. Lessons hadn’t been truly been learned, it was just a different semester. My perspective about things I felt sure of for years changed, friendships I had for years ended. Initially, these things were discouraging but as I came out on the other side, I felt fresh and free. I’m ready to learn, ready to grow and I’m not going to rush it.  

 

Boundaries are important

I know this now, because before recently, I’m not sure if I had any boundaries. I was running around trying to be everything for everyone. I was encouraging other people before I would encourage myself, helping others achieve their goals and execute their visions while mine sat in a notebook somewhere. I got to a point this past summer where I was so emotionally and mentally drained. I had spent day in and day out taking on others emotional burdens and mental challenges while ignoring my own. Conversations with even my closest friends became exhausting, making plans with people became a daunting task. It got to the point where I found myself gasping for air, in the fetal position, overwhelmed with anxiety. I’m naturally a giver, it brings me joy to nurture and encourage others but doing so without my own cup being full is detrimental to my health, my life and my purpose. I will remember this going forward and will not feel guilty about it.

 

Being undervalued is dangerous

 This one is simple enough to grasp but I learned it the hard way. I’m a wonderfully made work of art. The plans and purposes of the Lord are flowing through me. I have the power to change not just my own circumstances but the world. I am the daughter of a King and my worth is more precious than rubies. But, for some reason, I found myself in circumstances recently that did not reflect that I actually believed these things about myself. That was the key, I could read it and people could even tell me that I was valuable but until I really believed it about myself, I would always find myself settling for less than what I deserved.

 

Relinquish Control

Something, I learned about myself this year is that I have some control freak tendencies. I want people to do what I want them to do, when I want them to do it, for not just my benefit but their own. It’s really just my gift of leadership being mismanaged. I want to see the best in other people’s lives sometimes more than I want to see the best for myself. Here’s the thing that I’ve learned though; no matter how hard I try I CANNOT change OR control other people.

Control: The power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

Authority: The right to act in a specified way, delegated from one person or organization to another, official permission, sanction.

 The only thing I have control over is what I do. I have the authority to take what God has given me and use it. I have the authority to pray for others, to peacefully meditate, to visualize a better tomorrow but I do not have control over other people’s thoughts, intentions or actions. And it’s probably for the best.

 Am I alone in these things? Have you learned similar things recently, what wisdom has aging brought you in recent years? Let me know below!


xo, Jazz


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